This might not be my most popular post, heck it is definitely a post with the least amount of images, but I’m just going to be blunt… I’ve felt lost, utterly lost, at different points during this year…
1) Feeling like you are working endlessly in the direction you want to go and yet there is a tiny, faint whisper saying there is something greater you need to be doing over there… and all you want to do is shout SPEAK UP BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
2) Just the overall feeling that you are trying to make an impact, create something amazing, then you second guess yourself, or start the comparison game…
Well… that’s that. That’s what I have experienced.
Can you relate?
Yes, I am human and I am flawed. I have doubts, insecurities, everything…
But I am blessed. I am loved. And I am surrounded by amazing people.
Amazing people who breathe life into my work! I am the photographer I am today because of my clients. I have laughed with EVERY single one of them, I have cried with a few, and I have had the privilege of reminding them how blessed, loved, and amazing they truly are.
So what prompted this blog? Well because of the reasons above… that tiny, faint whisper… I have prayed, let go of my “steering wheel”, meditated, everything… and I couldn’t quiet that whisper. Even as I am writing this, it’s still there… but it’s a little louder than before. (No I’m not crazy lol)
I fell into the trap that being myself wasn’t good enough, I needed to strive to be more, be better. A better wife, a better mom, a better business owner, a better friend, a better granddaughter, and the list goes on…
I started questioning myself… then I came home today to change yet ONE more thing on my website because it just wasn’t good enough like that photographer over there who totally has their act together. (Least that’s what I tell myself)
And I stopped.
Then I actually went through my site. Word by word. Not for spelling or grammar like I usually do, but to actually learn about myself and see where the disconnect was.
And I felt my heart change, I read my about page and realized, I love that girl, she is good enough… She loves her husband with a fiery passion, she loves running around the house with the kids laughing until everyone is breathless, she makes jokes, she loves life, she will laugh until she can’t speak, she doesn’t let this inner voice eat at her because she is passionate about her life’s work.
I thought I had lost her, but yet here she was, staring back at me from the computer screen.
Then I went to my blog… and I was reminded just how much of an impact my clients have made on my life this past year and how honored I am to have shared their stories. Given a voice to their love, pain, and life altering changes.
Those stories are real. They are honest. And yet, even though the client may see their life as being flawed, they are perfect.
Perfection isn’t about never making a mistake, it’s about being able to find happiness in each action, however small.
I started out this day in a valley of emotion (sounds like a good name for a song). And now this evening, I’m better, I have seen that, yes, I have touched people’s lives as they have touched mine. That was my goal for this year, to use the gift God has given me to tell people’s stories and make an impact.
I still have a small nagging feeling that there is still a larger plan for this goal, but I am going to take it one session at a time. One email at a time. One interaction at a time.
I am human, I will wonder just how much of a difference my work makes. I will wonder how well I am living my life’s purpose. But I promise you this, if you are feeling the same way, take a step back and just look at how far you’ve come.
The last week, month, 6 months, year, 10 years… (yeah, big time jump, I know!)
Then give yourself grace and know that YES you are doing the best you POSSIBLY can! I believe in you and I believe we need to speak to ourselves with the same loving voice we speak to others in.
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Breathe Love.
And if you can relate or this story helped you, let me know below…
November 14, 2018